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A warning to listeners or our readers. The following content may at times include details about abuse, rape, suicide, domestic violence, and other types of trauma that may be emotionally confronting or triggering.

Kathy Hoolahan  00:15

Welcome to Raised By an Invisible Village where we unbundle the incredible power of the people who influence our lives. I’m Kathy Hoolahan, your host, who will be guiding you on a very personal transformative journey. My personal story of uncovering the diverse characters that made up my invisible village who together enable acceptance, growth and success.

Kathy Hoolahan  00:46

I would like to introduce you to Sheila and Wayne, very special generous people who made a significant impact not only on my life, but to so many other people. The conversation that we had was after spending almost two amazing weeks together over a 38 year period, I only caught up with them several times and for only short bursts of time. They had moved long ago back to their hometown of Canberra from Alice Springs. This time we got the opportunity to spend very special quality time together. Both Sheila and Wayne are now well and truly retired, and a young late 70s, early 80s. When we first met all those years ago, I was only 13, they would have been younger than I am now. 

Sheila came to Australia from England when she was only a child both her parents were deeply religious with their father having been a pastor for most of his life. Very very strict upbringing, and not surprising that she could relate to my childhood world growing up in a ridiculous restrictions of religion. Wayne on the other hand, grew up in Maryborough Queensland, a proud Aboriginal man who basically ran away to join the Navy. He spent the majority of his early adult life in the Australian Navy, even servicing the Vietnam War in the early 1960s. 

Sheila went on to establish a career as a nurse and this is how both Sheila and Wayne eventually met. I’m actually pretty sure, Sheila used to jump the fence to meet Wayne in the Navy compound. Subsequently, after leaving the Navy Wayne became an officer in the Australian Federal Police. When he recalled this moment in time, he was absolutely delighted that he’d earned himself a career in riding motorbikes. A passion he continues to have to this day. 

Our conversation in this fireside chat will share how they came to be in Alice Springs from Canberra and their subsequent appointment to becoming house parents at Matthew cottage or home that was in town away from the Main St Mary’s Village, which was located just outside the gap of Alice Springs. About 10 keys and distance. 

A conversation took place in the warmth of their lounge room away from the freezing Canberra July winter cold. And joining us were their two pugs, one of which sat very comfortably on Wayne’s lap. 

You will hear throughout the recording the poor little thing coughing so please excuse the sound Sheila and Wayne were absolutely two people who were and continue to be critical characters not only in my invisible village, but for so many other children that are now adults. I hope you enjoy hearing our relaxed joyful and emotional conversation

Kathy Hoolahan  03:24

when did you first meet me?

Kathy Hoolahan  03:26

Can you remember meeting me for the first time?

Sheila  03:28

Yeah it would have been in 84, when you first came into Matthews cottage and no one can remember who who brought you around to Matthew Cottage

Kathy Hoolahan  03:37

I can just remember get being in a car the police brought me around

Sheila  03:43

well your dad?

Kathy Hoolahan  03:45

no I definitely wasn’t Dad

Sheila  03:48

Maybe a welfare worker

Kathy Hoolahan  03:52

because I remember that I got picked up at the post office by the voice

Kathy Hoolahan  03:55

and then taken to the police station. And then from there it’s beautiful glad I remember you coming outside I remember that part.

Sheila  04:03

Cutting outside to meet you outside

Kathy Hoolahan  04:05

and and feeling instantly like oh, it’s gonna be okay.

Sheila  04:16

I can’t really remember who brought you around, I remember you sort of coming and you’re looking at this strange 13 year old what’s gonna happen to me here you know really unsure of yourself? And I don’t think there was anyone to welcome you there as far as the kids were concerned

Kathy Hoolahan  04:37

I don’t remember the girls being there, I just remember you coming out and kind of putting your arm around me and taking my bags. interested? Because people won’t know and understand what Matthew cottage is and I describe my relationship with you as my foster parents because to say house parents, Since two please don’t have an understanding of what has been said for me. Yeah, it’s easy to say foster parents so what? So Matthew’s cottage

Sheila  05:08

Matthew’s cottage was the house in town. It came under the auspices of St Mary’s. 

Sheila  05:24

was a village outside of Alice Springs. And it was mainly for children from the bush to come in the school. Oh, school for school. Yeah. And there was one of the cottage was for disabled kids. Yeah, just disabled kids. And Matthew’s cottage was townhouse we it was emergency placements. Yeah, and it was mainly for little ones. Oh really? It was it was picked up by the police or whatever their circumstances and they just drop them off and we have an ice cream on the grass and there are all

Kathy Hoolahan  06:00

the babies coming in all those little Aboriginal baby beautiful What’s that? Sorry cute

Sheila  06:09

Kathy’s to grab the baby and going bath them

Kathy Hoolahan  06:14

yeah take

Sheila  06:15

before and after. Yeah,

Kathy Hoolahan  06:16

there would be heaps of kids that I would have come in. So it was far as

Kathy Hoolahan  06:21

What about Forest Cres was that part of St Mary’s two years

Sheila  06:26

No, I don’t think it was it was welfare, didn’t have

Wayne 06:32

a lot to do with no we did.

Sheila  06:36

It’s a wonder you didn’t go there being the age that you were when you

Kathy Hoolahan  06:44

but see even then sliding door moments. What if I ended up in Matthew’s cottage? Yeah

Sheila  06:50

exactly. Yeah. You know, Kathy came in and became the second mother to all these children. I remember one particular girl who was in the house at the time. She wanted to bath one of the babies I don’t know whether you remember this or not, but she just ran a hot bath, just someone came in screaming at the end. What was going on? That was somebody who should have known better. Yeah, okay. We saved the baby. It was pretty awful. 

Kathy Hoolahan  07:22

you how did you how did you end up at Matthew cottage?

Sheila  07:25

We’re driving

07:28

we moved out there to get a job in the Aboriginal Development Commission in Alice Springs because the last bloke that I worked for in Canberra had been in Alice Springs and I really wanted to work out there with the community. Okay, so he got transferred out in and except work. me that there was a vacancy. Yeah. Okay. At

Kathy Hoolahan  08:06

the Aboriginal Development Commission, yeah, yeah.

Wayne 08:24

At that stage I had left the ADC

Sheila  08:32

We had a boy home up here at Queanbeyan.

Kathy Hoolahan  08:34

Yeah. How long did she work in that time, buddy? Yeah. Yeah, that’s

Kathy Hoolahan  08:42

the Aboriginal development commission

Kathy Hoolahan  09:27

So you deliberately went from Canberra to Alice Springs? 

Sheila  09:30

Because when we left the boy’s home, we had to learn how to speak with that four letter words. It’s really quite funny. It was real. So you got to

Kathy Hoolahan  09:44

Reemerge into the community. Wow,

Sheila  09:48

They we’re good kids. The boys were pretty good kids.

Sheila  10:08

And it took us seven hours

Kathy Hoolahan  10:10

to caravan

Kathy Hoolahan  10:17

things I always thought you were, you had started a trip around Australia. And you stopped in Alice Springs, but I didn’t realize that you deliberately chose to go out to Alice Springs to work.

Sheila  10:28

Yeah, we did. And when we drove past for St Mary’s children’s village. I just knew I knew I was gonna go there and I was gonna ask them what it was all about. Wayne went to work. And I was left in the caravan in the caravan park. And there was an ad in the paper that week later to tell me to say there was a an opening for Matthews cottage in town, what was involved. Didn’t hear back from I gave him references from down here. Yeah. Didn’t hear back from Yeah, at the time. So I went out there and said, what’s going on? It’s so you can start when they leave. Oh, we got the job. Very lackadaisical.

Kathy Hoolahan  11:19

And what was the job description?

Kathy Hoolahan  11:20

House parents? At the crisis cottage? 

Wayne 11:29

Yeah. Oh, so I was still working with ADC? Yeah. She was getting help from the ministers.

Sheila  11:39

No, it wasn’t getting any help from parents who? Later on? Oh, no, it’s all right.

Wayne  11:46

Then. Don’t know. For some reason, we made the suggestion. Whoever that we turn to do a couple. Yeah. So I left the ADC then. Matthew.

Kathy Hoolahan  12:12

So when you first started, Sheila before it became a husband and wife. Position. Did you have to stay there overnight or wherever you went to work at ADC and you say they’re caring I stayed home to play. Before I because I mean, the girls that obviously I talked about as my foster sisters, one of the five of us. Had they been there long before I arrived?

Sheila  12:42

 don’t think so. What are they? They are with you?

Kathy Hoolahan  12:45

Yeah, definitely. They all get like, yeah, all girls. Okay.

Sheila  12:49

No, they wouldn’t have been there very long. And the stories that we were told about why they were there are really off. Yeah. And I still reflect even have a chance I’m going to come back here and work as a welfare worker. Because it used to make me sick. Yeah. And we weren’t supposed to know why anybody was in the O tree that was private. Really? That was you know, that was welfare. Yeah. Tell us anything.

Kathy Hoolahan  13:19

Were you briefed on? Because obviously, we all came with our bag of traumas. 

Sheila  13:25

a little bit about you. And I don’t know where that came from. It must have come from one of the welfare workers. Yeah.

Kathy Hoolahan  13:32

Interesting, because I would have thought you would have been at least briefed. Well, you were prepared.

Sheila  13:38

No, for one. Time people just turned up and you didn’t know they were coming. So you had no idea and no one was gonna tell you. They just say Oh, Kathy Murphy is gonna turn up tonight. She’s 13 or whatever, and blah, blah. Oh, okay. So yeah, we didn’t get a lot of history about the kids. Wow. I used to call case conferences at the cottage, instead of going into the welfare.

Kathy Hoolahan  14:01

I remember you doing that?  

Sheila  14:05

Yeah, we’re having the welfare workers because they didn’t come. Yeah, the kids don’t do another thing about placing those Aboriginal kids you know, that was really getting to me. Yeah. And one of the girls I don’t know whether we’re supposed to be talking this far ahead here but one of the girls said that she wanted to go home help her mother soon as well. They heard that she wanted to go out there to help her mother that was it. She was packed up and shovelled off and they wouldn’t let her back. 

Kathy Hoolahan  14:35

showed off back to anywhere to live for they haven’t checked out the environmental where she was gonna be

Kathy Hoolahan  14:41

not just visually

Sheila  14:43

and this poor kid she’s during his honesty that 10-20 times a day I’m gonna come home I’m gonna come on welcome home. So anyway, welfare says she wasn’t to come back. That’s where she wanted to be. And so if you don’t go out and get away with

Kathy Hoolahan  14:56

that having a during the time that we were together up

Sheila  14:59

soon put the foot down her family

Sheila  15:11

and she walks straight into the house and into the pantry.

Kathy Hoolahan  15:14

As any child and the fridge, like the welfare you would think would be the one be responsible for making sure that children in care are safe and protected

Kathy Hoolahan  15:44

Oh.

Sheila  15:51

So yeah, that’s how we ended up at Matthew’s Cottage went and applied for the job. And we dragged the caravan around there and we made ourselves at home there. Yeah. I just can’t remember how long it was that we were there when you turn up?

Kathy Hoolahan  16:05

Yeah. Well, I remember that. It was around August, because that was around the time that I had left. My aunt and uncle

Kathy Hoolahan  16:15

in Melbourne. Right.

Kathy Hoolahan  16:18

Two weeks with my parents.

Sheila  16:22

That’s all just pushing you to go back to Mom and Dad. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Because you would have been safe, you would have had a roof over the head. Thats all they are concerned about it. Yeah.

Kathy Hoolahan  16:31

It was interesting. I was having this conversation with Joe the other day, and

Kathy Hoolahan  16:36

it would have been easy for

Kathy Hoolahan  16:40

welfare or even for you guys to have me go back home because I wasn’t physically abused. I didn’t have cigarette burns in my skin. I didn’t have alcoholic parents – all stages of abuse though.

Kathy Hoolahan  16:54

on the face of it. And yet, you really supported me. Yeah. It was like, yeah, yeah. 

Sheila  17:09

Coming from a religious background myself. Not even aloud to go to the skaterink..

Kathy Hoolahan  17:15

How interesting.

Sheila  17:16

Yeah. The relationship with your parents was very interesting. Because

Wayne 17:23

Your and Kathy background very similar

Sheila  17:29

Very similar. Well, probably more stringent on Kathy’s path, but Mum was a brethren. And then when we came back to Australia, they couldn’t find a brother in place. So they joined the Baptist Church. And yeah, that was street Street. While I was watching the curb on Sunday morning, says to me, Well, if it’s like, what’s it going to be like when you’re married? Now what do they who was supposed to be church?

Kathy Hoolahan  17:56

Yeah, wow.

Wayne 17:57

Hey, supposed to be at Church

Kathy Hoolahan  18:05

True Love.

Sheila  18:07

Coming again, we’ll have to change the sheets again.

Kathy Hoolahan  18:14

Definitely, if it had been anywhere else, I don’t think anyone would have had the same empathy for my situation. If you hadn’t experienced your own, maybe

Kathy Hoolahan  18:27

Strict religious background

Sheila  18:29

upbringing. And it was your strict no pictures, no movies, no. lipstick together? Nothing. Yeah.

Kathy Hoolahan  18:37

I’ve literally written in some of the episodes, the first episode of us being raised as a child of the Jehovah’s Witness family. And everything you’ve just mentioned them is everything that I experienced asked

Sheila  18:50

if I could learn ballroom dancing, because one of the friends at school was learning at the School of Arts. I had my pocket money stopped for a couple of weeks.

Kathy Hoolahan  19:02

It’s just crazy, especially when you are a parent yourself. And you think of how you know that impacts.

Sheila  19:10

Yeah, and you shouldn’t live your past and all that. But

Kathy Hoolahan  19:14

it’s still there. Yeah, yeah,

Sheila  19:16

it shouldn’t run. I laugh now. Or part

Kathy Hoolahan  19:19

of that episode that I wrote was about how important it was that we’re responsible as to who we bring into our children’s invisible village because they’ve got no choice. Over what? And who comes in to their village.

Sheila  19:35

And how long did we stay? We were there for a couple of years. dates and things but it was the hardest thing we ever did was to leave that place. Yeah,

Kathy Hoolahan  19:44

I still remember you guys leaving. I still remember us girls. 

Sheila  19:52

We had the caravan out. We had the caravan and the only reason we had to hang around another couple of weeks was because they wouldn’t pay us earlier in. And that’s when the kids all started riding their bikes out to the village, or did we?

Kathy Hoolahan  20:09

Yeah.

Kathy Hoolahan  20:12

Berries. Yeah. Well, I mean, I used to ride out there anyway.

Sheila  20:18

Yeah. How long did you work at Blue cottage two years. Yeah. And they worked at the grocery store.

Kathy Hoolahan  20:26

I did that as a second job after school. Very well. I gave that job up. It was a long way out. Alright, right so that I still travel out to St. Mary’s out to Blue cottage, every weekend. But I actually think as far as it’s something I instilled in my kids, I had them working from 13 Because I actually believe that that yeah, gave me so much.

Kathy Hoolahan  20:57

When I had to get their

Kathy Hoolahan  21:00

work ethic. To obviously then I had my own money. So I remember you helping me work out budgeting and cigarettes and

Kathy Hoolahan  21:10

moisturiser.

Kathy Hoolahan  21:13

And it also helped me appreciate that. There’s so many more people that are worse off, like the core of working with children with disabilities.

Sheila  21:26

You are good at that. You’re sort of fell into it. Yeah.

Kathy Hoolahan  21:30

You helped me to get that job.

Sheila  21:41

pushing those boys when those great big wheelchairs. She was a strong thing. And it’s hard to believe that she’s probably not here anymore. That’s really sad.

Kathy Hoolahan  21:51

Yeah.

Kathy Hoolahan  21:53

So me in reflecting on part one of our fireside loungeroom conversation, there were a few highlights that makes Sheila and Wayne amazing characters in my invisible village. Their undeniable desire to work with kids that were at risk. And for me personally, the belief and empathy they had in what could only be described as a mental trauma that I experienced as a child of a Jehovah’s Witness family. Each of us children in Matthew cottage all had our own stories and traumas of why we had been placed there. Yet, Sheila and Wayne created a family union with a core five of us, combined with the comings and goings of dozens of other babies, kids and teenagers. Together as children, we had our invisible village of safety, acceptance, growth and belief.

I invite and welcome into part two of the next episode of my story raised by an invisible village creating a safe and connected space for you and I.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of the series raised by an invisible village. And these real life stories have provided you with the opportunity to reflect about your own invisible village, a moment in time to uncover those who accept you support your growth and celebrate your success and the recognition that you also are a character in someone else’s invisible village, and how important our roles are as mentors, influences and champions. I’d love to stay connected and encourage you and others to join me by subscribing to my podcast channels. Together we can continue to recognize the power of our invisible village or acceptance, growth and success.