TRANSCRIPTION

We have now been on the road nearly 6 months.  From the East Coast to the West Coast over 11,000km in distance.  Today we are at the southern end of Western Australia, a beautiful location called Esperance.  It’s a rainy, cold day which is surprising given that we are now well into Summer, but it’s quiet and I have the space in my mind to bring you into the next episode of my story.

It has been a very surreal experience traveling from Katherine in the Northern Territory into Western Australia, the exact same road travelled all those years ago when I was that 11 year old girl, sitting beside her father steering the car.  Those vague memories of a moment in time being connected to my father, and almost 3 decades later, following those same white lines on the road, staying at the same little towns.  Flickers that come into my mind, recalling little snippets and the realization that it was only 18 months later after that trip with my father and siblings, that my world as I knew it would change forever.

And yet here we are, having also spent several weeks in Perth and Fremantle, travelled the streets that had been familiar to me all that time ago as a 16 year old.  The reflections as I see other 16 year old girls and wonder how did I do it?  Was I brave, was I courageous,  What was driving me back then?….. and then it came to me, when you have nothing to lose and think you have everything to gain.  The idea of risky does not even compare, when you have already lived a lifetime of lives in 3 years, the idea of feeling anxious or paralysed with fear did not even enter into the psych of my mind.

I left off in Episode 8, catching a taxi to the Alice Springs Airport having packed up with the help of my friend Sophia, my small amount of belongings and now I have boarded my TAA flight to Perth.  The flight seemed to take forever, and I was so excited that I was out of Alice Springs, going to a big city and being with who I thought at the time the love of my life. 

My arrival into Perth was around midday, it was a cooler temperature than the 40+ degrees of Alice Springs.  I walked off the plane, found my way to the luggage collection area and then walked out to find a taxi. 

I remember getting into the Taxi, giving him the address of where I was going and the look of surprise on the taxi drivers face, to him then asking if I would have enough money for the trip, did make my heart skip for a moment.  The drive was going to be around 45 minutes from one side of Perth to completely the other side.  Somehow, not sure how, but the taxi drive did take all the remains of what was left of my money.

We pulled up at the address that my boyfriend had given me, and as I was paying the taxi driver he came out the front door.  The instant relief that I had the correct address was huge.  I had no idea where I was, having lived only in small community townships, everything seemed so big.  Big roads, big buildings and lots of noise.  I was now a very long way from home, in a big city with lots to learn. 

After I got out of the taxi, we sat on the little front porch of his house.  We both sat there for a while, just looking at each other, not believing that I had actually made the trip and him saying I didn’t really think you would come.  It wasn’t long before he said wait out here and muttered something about his grandfather being inside.  So here I was, not long turned 16, had flown all the way from Alice Springs to what I now know was Willagee, suburb of East Fremantle, caught a taxi that I had no idea where I was headed, to now sitting on this little porch with my green duffle bag packed with all my small amount of life possessions, waiting for my boyfriend to come back outside.

I could hear voices inside talking, then after what felt like forever, he came back out the front door and welcomed me inside.  Sitting at the dining table was his mum and grandpa.

It was a very awkward, and I could tell by the expression on their faces that they had not been expecting me at all.  He had not told them!!  OMG…..WTF?

The next few days after arriving are a bit of a blur.  Again the memory of sequencing events together in some sort of chronological order is difficult.

What I do know though, is that whilst the shock of my arrival was clearly unexpected, my acceptance into their home for the next few months was just amazing.  To this day, I still have a relationship with Nan, forever grateful for what not only what she did for me, but her father, who I affectionately refer to as Uncle.

Given our ages, me 16 years of age and finding out that my boyfriend was actually not 19, but a lot younger, we had to sleep in separate bedrooms.  I shared a room with his younger sister, who was only around eight or nine years of age.  There was also a baby brother, who was nine months old. 

Welfare in Alice Spring had put out a search warrant to me , and the police tracked me down one day while I was walking down to the corner shop.  Nan, who could have quite easily sent me back to Alice Springs, accepted me under her guardianship and so my new life in Willagee, East Fremantle began.

We decided that I should repeat year 11, having dropped out the previous year.  It would also be a way I thought to make friends.  And so together with Nan, we attended an interview with the principle at Melville State High School to enrol.  Unfortunately though, it just wasn’t the same as my schooling experience in Alice Springs.  It was a really big high school with over 1300 students, it seemed way more advanced than what I had been used to and my life had and was completely different to any of my classmates.  By now my life had been surrounded by aboriginal friends, boyfriends and a strong connection to aboriginal culture, that to be at a school that was pretty much made up of white kids, it was really difficult for me to fit it.  And so I quit.

Finding work was incredibly difficult to begin with.  A few trials at Red Rooster that failed, I was definitely not destined to work at the drive thru and I have total respect for anyone that does.  Coles and Woolworths weren’t interested and I found myself starting to lose my confidence and purpose in life.

My parents during this time had no contact with me, the only contact they had was my mother writing a letter to Nan, basically telling her that I was a problem child and would be trouble.  By the time of the letter arriving, Nan and I had developed a pretty unique friendship.  In fact I spent more time with Nan, than my then boyfriend who was busy hanging out with this mates.

There are so many crazy memories that come to mind during this period of time, from moments that we would go out into the bush with Nan’s dad who I respectfully called Uncle in his old Hillman car.  Go driving down all these bush tracks that he taught me how to drive on and find all these illegal dump sites that he loved to fossick and be so excited when he found something that he could take home.  To the way he would drive into the city, turn the car off at certain points, to let the car roll down the hill – this was his way of saving petrol.  Some really beautiful memories of my time with him and Nan.  Lots and lots of conversations and cups of tea.

By now a few months had passed by since my arrival, and my relationship with my then boyfriend was pretty non-existent and it was time for me to move out.  I had absolutely no idea where I could go, and no income to support myself.

Uncle stepped in and helped me navigate my way through what was called Social Security back then, otherwise known as Centrelink and I was able to get an unemployment benefit.  He also helped me access other social services, that ultimately enabled me to get a bond and rental assistance for my first one bedroom unit.  To kit the unit out, we visited op shops and it wasn’t long before I had moved out from Nan’s home in Willagee. 

My reflection as an adult looking back at this particular phase of my life is nothing short of unbelievable gratitude for what Nan and Uncle did for me.  They did not have to bring me into their home for a safe place to stay, in fact they went up and beyond to show me how to become independent, develop survival skills of life, accessing social services and ultimately setting me up with my own unit.

On our recent visit through Perth and Freemantle, I found myself looking through the eyes of my younger self as a 16 year old, like watching a movie with a Kathy ghost, almost like it was just yesterday yet it was over three decades ago that I had been that young 16 year old, having already lived a lifetime of experiences.

Driving down the same roads, that I had previously caught public buses, staring out the car window and remembering all the times that I had sat alone in those bouncy, stop and start buses doing exact same thing, staring out the window.  I wondered what I thought about back then, did I have the same appreciation of all the amazing old houses, gardens and beaches that I do now?  Such a strange feeling.

Driving the streets of Willagee, where I had lived with Nan, all these memories flooding back.  The time that for some reason I had been out with friends, who I cannot remember who, driving home in a taxi, pulling up at the front and the taxi driver unsuccessfully propositioning me in return for not having to pay a fair.  And as an adult feeling quite angry about what right did he think he had, was it because I was so young, or was it because he had pulled up outside a housing commission area.  It took me a very long time to catch a taxi by myself again after that event.

Other streets, roads and highways we drove along, this time in a comfortable Ford Everest, not a bus or a train, I couldn’t help but be reminded of all those times that I would hang out in the park until Midnight, or look up at all those fancy people eating in restaurants along Marine Terrace of Freemantle and those moments of thinking ‘oh how I wanted to be them, or the sound of sports cars, music thumping, and me thinking that I was going to have a red sports cars one day.  Looking over to see that the Timezone was still there,  the local arcade for games, it was like I could see myself standing outside with a group of kids, I can hear the noise of the pinball machines chiming, balls clinking and music blaring.  Or was it that old pub that I used to go with Nan, and my first concert seeing the Black Sorrows, or the time that the American Navy Ship had come into Port and the entire Freemantle being just one big party.

So many incredible moment of memories that flood back and the overwhelming gratitude that where I am right now is simply just amazing.  I may never have had that red sports car, but I am that one who is driving down that very road in a very comfortable car, my ears are a bit old these days for thumping music, but I am also that same person sitting in a fancy restaurant…….Grateful……fortunate and most of all deserving!

It wasn’t long after I had moved into my one bedroom unit at Walker Street, that I finally got a job at a little sandwich shop at the Melville Shopping Centre.  10-2pm every day.  It was only a short distance from where I lived, and the owners were an elderly couple who somehow took me under the wing.  I looked forward every day to working there, and soon became known to all the regulars.

The excitement of living in my one bedroom unit had started to subside.  Whilst there were quite a few drug and alcohol fuelled parties, the loneliness and isolation of being by myself was so so overwhelmingly sad.  My heart was broken into 5000 little pieces.  It felt like I had absolutely no-one and I was a very very long way from my home in Alice Springs.  Although that also had been a time of incredible loneliness as well. 

3 months had gone by, living at Walker Street when I noticed that I hadn’t had a period for some time and my body just felt weird.  So I decided on my way home from work one day to stop in at the Dr’s to get a pregnancy test.  And well, it was a positive.  The Dr estimated that I was probably about 12 weeks along.

I walked out of the Dr Surgery, caught the bus and as I sat there trying to make sense of all my emotions.  Excited, I was going to be a mum, my own unconditional love of a child, after having always thought that I could never have children, and yet here I was pregnant. I’m 16, but I was confident as almost my entire life had been around babies and children. But I had no-one to tell.  I knew who the father was, as he had been the only that I had been in a relationship with, and well he was way too young to be a father. I also didn’t want to be one of those girls who trapped their man by having a baby.

It would be days before I finally had the courage to Nan, the first person to find out, Afterall it was her first grandchild.  At first, like me she was shocked and then was pretty practical about the situation.  The father was the next I told, and at first he was like, ‘no can’t be’ to oh wow, I’m going to be a Dad to then becoming quite angry.

Aunty Ellen, my father’s sister who also lived in Perth, but as she lived on the complete opposite side of Perth almost 1.5 hrs away I had never visited her, was the next person I told.  She instantly wanted to catch up, but her position was for me to have an abortion.  This was an absolute no from me.  It had not even been a consideration.

By now, I had known the new of my pregnancy for a few weeks and out of nowhere, my mother called.  She already knew of my pregnancy, I’m sure Aunty Ellen had probably told her and her call to me, was like nothing I had ever experienced before.  She asked me to come home, she was excited that she was going to be a grandmother.  Now you can imagine my shock, as the last time my mother had talked to me about having a child, that 13 year old, was that if I fell pregnant, the baby would be adopted out.  I remember being so confused, not only did they want me to come home, there were willing to help me with my baby.  And the BIGGEST of all, was the Jehovah’s Witnesses had changed their rules around being disassociated.  Those rule being that if someone had not been baptised as a Jehovah’s Witness then they could be treated like anyone else who was worldly.

It took me a few days to let all this sink in, I knew in my heart that I couldn’t stay and I had to go.  Nan and I had lots of conversations together and I made the decision to go.

My parents booked me a bus ticket and the date was set for me to leave Perth.

Aunty Ellen helped me clean my Walker street unit, took me to Nan’s and the father of my baby to say goodbye.  We cried and cried, saying goodbye was one of the hardest things to do, but it was the right thing to do.

I stayed at my Aunty’s place that night and early the next morning she took me down to the bus station in the city centre of Perth.

As we all boarded the bus and settled into our seats, I looked out the window to give my Aunty a final wave goodbye, and there standing beside her was the father of my baby, his grandpa and also my cousin Robert.  It was too late to get off as the door of the bus had closed all I could do was wave.

The trip from Perth to Alice Springs is about 5 nights and 6 days.  I am pretty sure I sobbed the entire trip, together with morning sickness, it was a very sad, uncomfortable long long way.  I was also returning home, to my parents.  Scary and anxious for all the unknowns.

My adventure going to Perth was an experience in life of what I can only describe as nothing to lose, but I left Perth with everything to gain.  I now was on my way to becoming a mother.  A child that I could love unconditionally and they would love me back unconditionally.  My gift.

As I close out this Episode, the moments that I have relived in the past few weeks, driving through thousands of memories that occurred over three decades ago created such a mixture of feelings.  Watching myself as I looked out the window of the car to that young 16 year old, a ghost of time that stirred up those feelings of how isolated and lonely my life had been, but also how my invisible village was also filled with characters who took me in, accepted me, helped me foster growth by equipping me with the skills of independence and most of all showed me love.

Again, grateful to all those who have and continue to be in my invisible village.

Thank you for listening to this Episode, Nothing to lose.

I welcome you into the next Episode of Raised by an Invisible Village.

Creating a safe and connected space for you and I.